Tag Archives: superman

Stupidman

“And so now Lois thinks I’m not interested in her. Well, what was I supposed to do? Let the fire department take care of the kitten in the tree?” Clark Kent laments his story to Ma Kent on the front porch of his childhood farmhouse.

“Well, Clark, you need to learn how to delegate responsibilities to others who dedicate their lives to this,” Ma explained while knitting Clark’s next Christmas sweater.

Clark sat up, “I dedicate my life to this, Ma.”

“No, you dedicate Superman’s life, but you are sacrificing Clark’s.” Ma stopped knitting.

“It was a kitten!”

“Lois was going to kiss you after three years of chasing her!”

“I can’t believe you, Ma. Doubting my choices.” Clark stands, shoots Ma the look he perfected as a thirteen year old, and flies off in the direction of Metropolis.

Ma Kent sighs and shuffles out to the barn to talk to Pa Kent, “Jonathan, it was a kitten this time. A kitten instead of a kiss is why that big baby boy came crying to me today.”

Pa Kent stops milking a cow, “Again? That boy better figure out where his priorities are.”

“I just wish I get it through his thick skull that Superman doesn’t have to save everyone. He can save the whole world four times over but when it comes to stuff like this, Clark is stupid or something,” Ma Kent says.

Then Pa gives her the best idea since he made lead wrapped birthday presents.

Ma spends the rest of the night finishing Clark’s Christmas sweater. Instead of the usual ionic insignia, she embroiders stupid on it. She sets down her work with smile and kisses Pa on the forehead goodnight.

superman

Inspired by the image

What Are Friends For?

Setting:Blank white room with windows overlooking a park. There are seven folding chairs in a circle, but only six people. On the door to the room is a sign saying ‘Therapy Group for Friends of Superheroes’.

 

Characters:

Mary Jane Watson – Spider-man’s on and off again girlfriend

Harry Osborn – Spider-man’s friend and sometimes Green Goblin

Jimmy Olsen – Superman’s friend and Daily Planet photographer

Foggy Nelson – Daredevil’s friend and partner in law

Lois Lane – Superman’s on and off again girlfriend and Daily Planet journalist

Alfred Pennyworth – Batman’s butler

Doc Ock: Spider-man supervillain

 

Alfred:

I would assume that someone would be leading this group?

Foggy (Says shaking his head):

Yeah, I got a law firm to run and sadly my payment is fish.

Lois (checking her phone):

Come on, we all got lives and appointments, but we are all here for one reason. We are friends of superheroes and it’s hard.

Mary Jane:

I don’t even know how many times Pete has come home all beat up and has refused to go the hospital. It keeps me awake all night not knowing if this will be his last fight.

Jimmy:

I don’t really have that problem, Superman can take care of himself. But it is more about how many times I’ve been kidnapped. Good grief, I start to feel at home inside a bag blindfolded by how many times I gotten taken.

Harry:

I am sure that we have all had that happen to us, but Superman can only get hurt by magic or a rock. If Spider-man gets a rock thrown at him then he bruises.

Foggy:

Even more so, Daredevil is blind. He could not even see the rock coming! But then again he does have sonar and he is not afraid of anything. (To himself) And that’s what scares me.

Lois:

Have you ever thought that Superman doesn’t even belong to this planet! How hard that must be for him.

Alfred:

Ms. Lane, I do not know if you noticed, but every hero who has a friend here is an orphan. Bruce’s parents were shot, Matt’s father was murdered and his mother is a mystery, you just pointed out Clark and what about Peter’s parents  . . .

Mary Jane:

Are a long story.

Jimmy:

So all of our heroes have a sad story that they rise up against and become legends, but what about us. Who is supposed to cover for their three times a week upset stomachs and forgetting their sunglasses?

Lois:

Is it bad to not want them to go out and save hundreds of lives and only want them to be our heroes? Only to be our boyfriends and husbands? To be there for us?

Foggy:

I don’t know about that last part, but I do wish that Matt would show up to a case when I need him. But it is just human nature. But that is not a reason to stop having a relationship with them all together. (Foggy coughs and looks directly at Mary Jane.)

Harry:

Have you ever thought that we are the people that gives our hero strength to get up and finish off the Lizard or Doomsday or Joker? We are the people that they are fighting for.

Lois:

Not exactly sure if that works when you happen to be in the Villain’s place, Harry.

Jimmy:

Ohh, burn, man! That was first class!

Mary Jane:

Hey, we all make mistakes.

Foggy:

Like being a druggie when Gwen’s neck snapped and the whole universe just got a little bit darker.

Alfred:

We are here to support one another through difficult times and not point out flaws.

Lois:

I am sorry, Harry.

Harry:

Thank you. Not everyone finds out that their Dad is a supervillain and that the superhero killed him and you want revenge to only find out that the hero is your best friend.

Jimmy:

Yeah, that doesn’t happen to everybody  . . .

CRASH!!! The windows shattered into the room as Doc Ock walks through.

Doc Ock:

Did anyone ever think about ever think about the villains? We do not have any friends. What makes us keep on going when we are beat? Does anyone love us besides our mother’s?

Lois:

Umm . . . didn’t you have that weird mind swapping thing going on a while ago? Anna Maria loved you.

Doc Ock:

But I had to be in Peter’s body to do that! And it took decades before I was able to even get a chance! I even died for her. Did anyone here die for their hero? I think not.

Alfred:

Mr. Octavius, I do not believe that I see Miss Gwen Stacy present.

Foggy:

Friends and loved ones give people – our heroes – things worth fighting for. Without them, they only have things worth dying for.

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