Tag Archives: Ready

Know Vs. Feel

So the SAT is tomorrow.

I have been preparing my whole life for this 5 hour test

But I have been studying everyday since February

At least 30 practice questions a night,

hours and hours on Khan Academy,

countless SAT study sessions staying after school,

over 500 flashcards that my English teacher gave me (love you Ms. Tabone!),

poured over a 850+ page textbook,

practice test after practice test after practice test.

I mean what better to do than grammar questions at 2 AM?

I know that I am prepared,

And yet,

I don’t feel prepared.

So I study to convince myself

I take every advantage I can

just so that I can feel safe.

I know that I am a little strange

for spending ten minutes debating what pencils to buy to use on the SAT

(eraser, price, strength, where it was made, pre-sharpened, how it smells)

but I do these things to feel secure.

In my brain,

I know that I am ready,

but I want to feel it in my soul.

So I have 4 new batteries in my calculator,

5 sharpened pencils

and

1 calm heart.

test-986769_960_720

Pixabay/user:lecroitg

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Ready

School starts soon and

I’ve got everything ready.

All my binders are different colors

and the covers are decorated in pretty card-stock

that my mother bought me

and my name and class is written in purple pen

with a frame that is cut with those silly scissors whose blade’s are zig-zagged.

In a neat organized pile are my pictures for my locker

just waiting to be hung up.

I’ve had my first week,

not just day,

clothes picked out for three weeks now.

My backpack is something a boy scout should be proud of,

money, cold medicine and tissues, graphing calculator, extra lead, hair-tie and bobby pins, extra pencil erasers, stick-y-notes, mint, school ID

check.

A necklace that will go with any outfit in case if I am rushing in the morning

random things that only I will need,

a balloon, a magnet, a tennis ball

(even though I don’t play tennis)

I don’t have the kitchen sink,

but I do have hand sanitizer.

Last year I had four flashlights,

but I think I am okay with only one.

6 pencils, 4 highlighters, 3 colorful pens, 1 Sharpie

A 5oo page notebook that cost too much at Staples,

A Superman flash drive that my aunt bought me,

A birthday card in case if I forget it’s someone’s special day,

My calendar is all written out including what days are Final Exams,

Locker comb memorized and just in case saved in my phone,

Extra line paper

blank paper

coloring book paper

graph paper

. . . and yet somehow I am not prepared.

Me, the inside me,

I am not ready.

ready