Tag Archives: planning

Plans, Tears, and the Creator of the Universe

I was having a hard day some time ago, neither my day or my future seemed like it was going to plan. I was heavy hearted and disheartened, but I couldn’t let the signs of it show.

One thing that you should know about me is that I plan. I plan and scheme and layout my life on an Excel spreadsheet (literally, I’m not joking). I have contingency plans for contingency plans. I stay up late, laying in bed, planning my future so that nothing takes me by surprise.

It’s not that I don’t like surprises, I just like to feel in control, I like to feel safe and know where I’m standing and know where I want to go.

And so when it seemed like my life was not going according to plan or any contingency plan, I felt powerless. I felt lost and helpless and insecure.

I wanted to cry (because that fixes everything (I’m actually joking this time)), I wanted to scream at the world to put itself back in the little box I put it in, I wanted to dream up some plan to fix all this. But my heart was in control and not my head. Oh, the horrible and wondering things that can happen when the heart is in control!

So I walked through the halls holding my shattered plans in my hands and holding my tears in my eyes.

Two of my favorite quotes popped in my head, “The first casualty of any battle is the plan of attack,” by Cory Doctorow and “If plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters,” by Claire Cook. But I wasn’t in the mood for inspirational speeches especially if I was the one giving it.

So I finally get to my locker and look up at the Cross magnet I have on it, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” [Italics added] That is God’s work right there. I change my magnet every couple of weeks and it was just by chance that I had Jeremiah 29: 11 up. I was lamenting over my broken plans and the verse used plans three times. God knows the plan; His plan is never broken; He is never caught by surprise; He is always in control. I am secure in His plan. I was upset over my plan when God said that He would give me one of His plans. And I’d take one of God’s plans compared to one of mine, anyday.

The conflict isn’t completely resolved but it is looking better. God said that His plan gives me hope, and it sure has. My heavy heart is now a happy heart. I don’t need my head to be in control when I know that God is in control. I don’t need a plan to make me feel safe; I have faith in the Lord Almighty. And faith is much better than any plan.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

2 Corinthians 12:9




I feel like a dress balled up and thrown in the hamper after a night out

I feel like “beach glass” sharp edges smoothed out over the decades of waves crashing upon its pieces

I feel like a baseball that has been practiced with too many times in the afternoon fading sun

I feel like a Lazy Boy chair that sags to the left after years of use from its habitual occupant

I feel like the cracked glass of a iPhone 5S, shattered from too many times being forgotten in a back pocket

I feel like Grandma’s favorite kitchen paring knife, showing age in color and cut

I feel like a pair of Nike’s after crossing the finish line at the Philadelphia Marathon

I feel like the knee of a retired eight-nine year old shop worker standing up for four o’clock supper

I feel worn out

I feel worn out about planning the future

About what college I should go to

whether that is truly the perfect choice of education or if I am just settling

This will decide my life,

and I don’t know if I am ready to make that choice?

And I don’t want to think about saving money for retirement right now,

or what the government and my country as a whole will look like twenty-three years from now

or sixteen years from now trying to hold to my conservative values when I teach a class that differs from my beliefs



or  . . .

Can I please just be me for one moment and not planning for future me?

Can my toughest decision be what favor of ice cream I want to lick while walking and talking with my best friend on a 78° summer day?

Can my toughest decision be what color of nail polish, fire engine red or electric blue?

Can my toughest decision be to have Lucky Charms cereal for breakfast or have a strawberry-raspberry smoothie?

Can my toughest decision be whether to read a novel or a comicbook or maybe both?

Can my toughest decision be what station to listen to on Pandora, 2Cellos or Christian pop?

Can my toughest decision be to go running or to go running and swimming?