Tag Archives: Myself

On Writing

I started this blog back in February of 2015 in my freshman year with a transformative Creative Writing class. The class itself wasn’t all that transformative, yeah I learned good writing techniques and words for things I was already experimenting with. But I was transformed. I learned that my words were important. That people wanted to understand my perspective on life whether that was my Grandma or people from the 122 countries who have visited my words.

When I first started I was writing literally every day with multiple pieces per day. I joined the NaPoWriMo movement in April where you are, supposed to, a write a poem per day for the whole month. I ended up posting 50 pieces on my blog that month. I was always scribbling in one of several notebooks or typing a free verse up. I loved how I felt having finished a poem, the satisfaction that occured.

I continued on at this level for a couple years. In the process my poems and creative essays were published nine times and I had my play produced by a major university. I posted at least 3 times a week. Sure it was difficult to keep to the schedule sometimes, but it was worth it.

I made some great connects with fellow bloggers, some by their words and others talking personally. I follow so many other people’s lives no matter whether it is told through poems, pictures, or write ups about their day. I have found a great community here on WordPress.

But last year my Junior year of testing, huge academic stress, and personal issues hit and my urge for writing slipped. This wasn’t a writer’s block, I’ve dealt with that many times. This was different. To be honest, for the past year almost all of my posts have been saved from years ago that I dug up to have something to show. Sure, writing still gave me pleasure and release, but it wasn’t as much needed as before. I yearned for it’s satisfaction, and yet somehow I didn’t feel like something was missing.

A spark of inspiration would hit that a year ago would have taken a good 250 words to explain, but it would pass before I could get my fingertips to keys. No matter how hard I tried no logical form of letters would escape my keyboard. (You can read a poem about this here)

It’s been over a year since I’ve written my novel. In a year’s time I’ve written only ten poems. I’ve written two short stories in a year. That’s it.

It’s sad.

But I’m accepting it.

However during this time, I have also written a play that received high praise and discussed options for touring. I also written another play to try to see if a third piece can be performed at the major university to break the record there for amount one person’s work has been performed. But my motivations were different for these. I wrote for others, not for myself.

I’ve been writing all my life (read a piece about it here) and have continued to keep a journal for five years. I still have been doing this and have no intention of stopping. It’s fitting though that the journal I’m writing in its cover says, “My Journal: The Original Blog”. Sometimes I just record what I did that day, a funny story, a perceptive. Other days I write lengthy opinions, prayers, parallelism to my life, poems, frantic thoughts.

I don’t want to say good-bye to this place made up of ones and zero and yet which is so so so much more. This has been my life for four years. I’ve written so much. Honestly, sometimes I stumble upons a piece that I completely have forgotten I wrote. Like the words are new to me and they came from my brain only a year ago.

I miss writing poetry the most, a form of expression that I thought was silly years ago. It is true thought captured on a page. (I explain what poetry is to me here)

I will continue to be here. And my blog will continue to be here. But my blog and I will not continue to be here together.

This send off is hard. It’s heavy. It’s thick. But it’s not messy. I knew it was coming for a time.

Writing is still and always will be a major part of my life, but it will depend which part. Writing for everyone and anyone, for a small group of readers, or simply for me.

So I’ll still be around, writing and wandering. But this blog is going to be static for a while. I don’t know how long a while is, but there are 432 other pieces of mine to read.

See me later,

~MavelVarietal

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Myself, My Enemy

Spider-man : Green Goblin

Superman : Lex Luthor

Professor X : Magneto

In comicbooks there is generally a definitive enemy -a world in black and white, but in real life the world seems to be colored in gray. Jesus calls for us to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44), but who/what is our enemy? The co-worker who purloins office material, the kid at school who just won’t stop talking, the nagging neighbor? Yet, these people are not your enemy, I mean you can not like them, but they aren’t your nemesis. An enemy is a person who is actively opposed or hostile to someone or something. Who or what is actively opposing you?

From the best and cleanest prospective we can say sin or the devil. While yes that is true, personal experiences and ideas hold more sway in each of our lives. Think deeper. Don’t be afraid to dig further and get your hands dirty because the only way to mold your life of clay is to get messy in it.

For the longest time I thought my own worst enemy was my fears; the Seven Nightmares that I would replay over and over again, but never lived through. Then I realized who created my fears? I did. I was my own worst enemy because I knew every little dirty secret and I could manipulate them in just the right way to break myself.

Enemy = self

There is a popular saying about how you can only trust yourself to get a job done – yourself being your closest ally, but how could I be my own enemy and ally at the same time?

Ally? = self?

God created me for His purpose, He sent His son to die for me because He loved me. Why would He make myself my own worst enemy? He didn’t. Through my Seven Nightmares I had relied on God, which grew my faith (check out Romans 5, really good!). I’m not my closest ally, God is and always will be. Only through my battles could our Alliance and Him being my refuge, grow stronger.

Ally = God

Back to the question of enemies, who is my enemy? Who is actively opposing me? My answer to that is Romans 8:31, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” If God is for us (which He is, I mean one word – Calvary) then sin, the devil, my Nightmares, myself is not my enemy, they are my training wheels. The tribulations of life make us stronger, and, boy, I’m thankful for them. Nothing can be against us when God is on our side; an enemy is someone or something against you. By definition, we have no true enemy.

Life may not be comicbook black and white but we know who our ally is – God – and we know who our enemy is.

Enemy = No one and nothing