It has been 121 days
since I have given up.
***
I’m going crazy.
All the death
it’s still happening
and it’s still my fault
which means it becomes my responsibility
again.
***
I never truly realized how many lives I saved
only how many I didn’t save.
***
I wonder
would their lives continued on
if I had continued on
121 days ago?
***
But then my mind begins to play
the devil’s advocate,
and whispers echo in my ears,
what if I had never started?
Would there have been as many terrors to
my city?
***
What if I don’t use my powers
for good or bad,
I just don’t use them.
***
Then they are not a gift or a curse,
only locked away in a box
and I threw away the key.
***
The key was confidence,
and confidence got them killed.
***
Now I fear I can do nothing.
I can’t move forward
with this new and only one life
that the man behind the mask
chose for me.
***
I can’t go back to my old life
before the responsibility,
before the deaths.
***
But no matter what I do
they keep on building
the deaths keep on building.
Whether I’m the man or the mask
death keeps knocking.
***
I have the potential for good
or death.
I had once thought that I had the potential
for greatness.
***
Now have the potential
to do nothing.
***
Death keeps on knocking
at the box.
I need the key,
but I don’t want it.
***
How can I pick up
the weapon that killed you
and know that it might happen all over again.
***
I am a murder,
yet am I still a hero?
If I don’t pick up the murder weapon
I’ll only be a killer.
***
If I pick up the murder weapon
I could save more lives
and possibly kill more.
***
But I am killing countless people in my inaction.
I could even the scales
or tip them even more.
***
I am going crazy with all the death
I’m causing by doing nothing.
***
I will take action,
I will be a hero,
I will save lives
and in the process
I may kill some more.
***
But it will be worth it
?