Acting

Why can we

as a human race

not know what others,

people closest to us

are feeling

or thinking?

Is it because

we don’t observe

close enough?

Or maybe

we have become

such good liars

fakers

that no one can?

No one can tell the difference between lies and truths

We’ve got so good at fibbing

not for our own good.

We only show surface level feelings

and not how we are truly doing

On the inside

The insecurities

The fears

The hidden secrets

The things we carry around with us everyday

but mask it

beautifully

with a smile

or a simple lie in a text

with

‘Pretty good’ Smiley face!

It’s so easy

to act okay but not truly be

but it is so not worth it.

https://pixabay.com/en/users/kellierae-791468/

Controlling the Monster

They think I’m a monster

Well, maybe He is

but I’m not

I’m still all in here

it’s just  . . .

He takes control

and there is

almost

nothing I can do about it

I see

and hear

and smell

and sometimes taste

the bystanders

or the villains

or even heroes

He hurts

that I am letting Him hurt

Sometimes it feels so good to let Him pound on them

But most of the time

I cringe

Most people think of the monster

the brute

The Hulk

but what about the Gamma that is still inside of me

the tingling

smarting

burning

pain

that scratches

and scratches

and never stops

eating away at my skin

No one ever sees it

because I regenerate

but I feel it

constantly and chronically

Sometimes I wonder

what my life would be like if

I let that kid

Rick Jones

be blasted

and not me

It finds what you always wanted

I wanted strength

What did he want?

Would the world be better

If I didn’t try to play hero?

Well, I’m stuck with always trying not to be the villain

Is one act of heroism worth all the collateral damage?

I just wonder how much longer I can keep this up

I keep on screaming ‘NO!’ when He smashs

and He screams right back ‘YES’

That’s my real super power

Controlling the Monster

There is a down side

to every up

But there are more ups

because I can save lives.

marvelousRoland / Foter / CC BY-SA

The Self- Control of a Speedster

Time

it moves so slowly

and yet so quickly

But for me normally the former

I don’t ‘harness the Speed Force’

I’m not one second ahead

I just run

like really really fast

Sometimes people forget how much I need to process

I still have the same speed of acknowledgement

I see

and have to make

less than a split second decision

But the people I care about

my team

my sister

are all

slow

I have to come down to their level

Life is just so much more

I live in weeks of their hour

I may seem impatient

but

they

are

just

so

slow

Super speed sounds

great

at first

but

something as simple as enjoying a sunset

or watching a movie

It’s unbearable!

Because I have to process things so much faster

I can’t stop myself

I do it all the time

Being  . . . fast

feels so good

and it’s so hard

not to give in

The self-control

to come down

– to slow down –

to their level

it’s maddening

That’s my real super power

Self-control

There is a down side

to every up

But there are more ups

because I can save lives.

Wikipedia

Which Prompts Another?

Does the secret prompt a lie

or

does the lie make it a secret?

***

Information and knowledge

stored in brain cells,

that is what secrets and lies are,

but

so

much

more.

***

If no good comes from the truth,

does that make lying not bad?

Oh how we twist the rules

to keep ourselves still following ‘the rules’.

***

Keep the truth hidden,

tell the lie,

you say ‘I did it to protect you’.

***

When does lying to protect someone

stop being that

and start becoming self-preservation?

***

If truth be told,

to you – my protected one,

only destruction can come.

Do you want me to tell the truth then?

Destruction

or

Continueing in Messy Innocence

?

Does the secret prompt a lie

or

does the lie make it a secret?

Becoming Vulnerable ~ Part 1

I long for touch

No, I long for the ability to touch

***

To feel the difference in

texture

temperature

air versus water

taste my food

***

But to my hopeless misery

I cannot

because I am

Invulnerable

***

I am

impossible to harm or damage

But that also means

that I can’t tell oatmeal from steak

The North Pole from the Tropics

Swimming or walking

Rock or soft fluffy grass

***

My invulnerability allows me to survive in battle

I wish to become vulnerable to live

***

Please, I beg you

have mercy on me.

Allow me to become vulnerable,

no matter the cost.

I want to feel pain,

something that hurts so many people,

I want.

***

Invulnerability to survive,

vulnerability to live.

Failed Rescue ~ Part 2

It has been 121 days

since I have given up.

***

I’m going crazy.

All the death

it’s still happening

and it’s still my fault

which means it becomes my responsibility

again.

***

I never truly realized how many lives I saved

only how many I didn’t save.

***

I wonder

would their lives continued on

if I had continued on

121 days ago?

***

But then my mind begins to play

the devil’s advocate,

and whispers echo in my ears,

what if I had never started?

Would there have been as many terrors to

my city?

***

What if I don’t use my powers

for good or bad,

I just don’t use them.

***

Then they are not a gift or a curse,

only locked away in a box

and I threw away the key.

***

The key was confidence,

and confidence got them killed.

***

Now I fear I can do nothing.

I can’t move forward

with this new and only one life

that the man behind the mask

chose for me.

***

I can’t go back to my old life

before the responsibility,

before the deaths.

***

But no matter what I do

they keep on building

the deaths keep on building.

Whether I’m the man or the mask

death keeps knocking.

***

I have the potential for good

or death.

I had once thought that I had the potential

for greatness.

***

Now have the potential

to do nothing.

***

Death keeps on knocking

at the box.

I need the key,

but I don’t want it.

***

How can I pick up

the weapon that killed you

and know that it might happen all over again.

***

I am a murder,

yet am I still a hero?

If I don’t pick up the murder weapon

I’ll only be a killer.

***

If I pick up the murder weapon

I could save more lives

and possibly kill more.

***

But I am killing countless people in my inaction.

I could even the scales

or tip them even more.

***

I am going crazy with all the death

I’m causing by doing nothing.

***

I will take action,

I will be a hero,

I will save lives

and in the process

I may kill some more.

***

But it will be worth it

?

Failed Rescue ~ Part 1

I could have saved you

A phrase of

regret

if onlys

helplessness in power

I have all this power . . .

but death has more

***

What am I fighting for?

If I can’t save you

do I even deserve this mask?

A mask of

honor

protectship

heroics.

shame & failed rescue

If only I had more

time

strength

resources

speed

experience

courage

intellent

***

But none of that matters

in the face of failure.

Only the person to blame does

***

not the villain

but the Super

who didn’t swoop in to make the catch.

me

***

You’re dead

because

I failed

***

This mask

this crusade

this symbol

this power

this choice

this life

means nothing.

Because I still couldn’t save you

***

If I give it up

being a hero

at least I won’t have any other

deaths on my hands,

only the past ones and yours.

***

I have a responsibility

which is why I have given up,

because I caused your death.

***

The nameless faces beneath the other falling building

that I could have saved but I was holding up this one.

***

The screams for help echoing in my ears

as I know they’ll lead to death

while I carry the children out

***

In my quest for vengeance

for the innocent lives lost,

you fell because of the collateral damage

that I caused, fell on you

***

I killed you

***

My recklessness killed you

I could have saved you

***

I did saved you, but instead my rescue killed you

***

All my responsibility

All my power

All this death I’ve caused

Shall be no more

I have given up

I have failed for the last time