Monthly Archives: March 2016

What Makes My Heart Beat

The words made my heart beat

The single syllable pumped my very heart – more a soul than a heart

Every letter allowed me to breath



spoken aloud

gave oxygen to my lungs, that then flowed to my blood stream

Each sound and symbol that meant something was like blood to my veins

They were what kept me alive

making the day bright

and keeping me through the darkest night

I am not made up of elements

of carbon, and phosphorous, and 75% water

but of letters, and words and glorious ideas

Too often we take these words for granted

Too often we believe that we survive on


and water

and a place to lay our head

and not on the form of communication that has been taught to express

our every desire

and mis-desire

Too often

Too often

Too often

The words are what makes my heart beat.



Took My Place ~ A Cento Poem

Below is a Cento poem of five¬†contemporary Christian songs about Christ dying on the cross. Each line is from one of the five songs with links to their music videos. So I wrote a poem using different song lyrics. Have a blessed Easter. Enjoy! ūüôā


My most hated type of prayers are also my favorite type of prayers. The prayers of when I completely fall apart. The prayers of when I crumble, but God is there to pick up the pieces. The prayers of when the world seems too big to understand. My favorite and most hated is when I pray out loud to God in utter helplessness. These are so desperate, so needed, so real, so authentic. Even though my head feels three sizing too small, my soul feels like just enough.

My most hated prayer is when I give everything over to God in dependency.

My favorite prayer is when I give everything over to God in dependency.

Dependency is so hard, to let go, to let someone else take control even if they are more capable, to acknowledge it cannot be done alone.

To be dependent is more than just to put complete trust in someone or something. To be dependent is like allowing yourself to drown because you know the lifeguard will save you. In those horrible moments of panic, all you can think about is how to save yourself, not about the lifeguard diving in to rescue you. You keep thinking about the water you swallowed, fighting to keep afloat and how scary the water just became after a few seconds. Eventually when the lifeguard does come to save you, you fight him because in those moments of panic you still believe that you are more capable.

When my uncle was training to become a State Policeman, he had to save someone from drowning as a training exercise. The first time my uncle tried to save the person who was pretending to drown, my uncle almost drown trying to save him because he was fighting him so much. So when my uncle had to try again the next time, he swam right out and knocked out the man pretending to drown so that he would not fight my uncle.

When Jesus is trying to reach out and save us, we sometimes fight him believing that we are big boys and girls and can do it all by ourselves. We can’t.

When the divorce papers are on the table, you turn to the bottle and not Jesus.

When the doctor says cancer, you turn into a mean pessimistic depression and not a Christian outlook.

When abuse, terrorism, job loss are at your doorstep, you turn into the angry ‘troll’ online instead of God’s word.

And oh it can be so hard, so so hard. You will do anything to cope even if you know that it is not the right coarse of action. You will fight the waters in a panicked frenzy even though you see the lifeguard coming to help.

But God is there; God is always there. Cliche right? But we use it so much because it is true. You need to stop fighting and start trusting your lifeguard. You need to be dependent on the Almighty God.

But it is against our nature. We want control, we want to know the future, we want to forge our own destiny.

But God wants you to be his child again. A child so dependent, there’s that word again, on his parents.

Did you ever think about Jesus in The Garden of Gethsemane? He didn’t want to die, he didn’t want to be mocked and beaten, he didn’t want to have all those hundreds of trillions of sins¬†pummeled against him. He didn’t want to have to go through that so bad, he sweat blood.

Well I have cried, had panic attacks and been unable to stand against the world, but never sweat blood; I don’t anyone ever has.

Jesus undoubtedly did not want to do this, but he did because he trusted God’s will. He was dependent on God.

Now, I am not saying that God will make you die a horrible death like Jesus by any means. But what I am saying is that Jesus came down to earth to show the greatest example of what dependency on his Father looks like.

I am pretty sure that it was not fun by any standards, and giving everything over to God isn’t either. But it is needed.

Jesus died on that cross today two thousand years ago because we needed to be saved from our sins. Because we needed the ability to reach out to that lifeguard when we are drowning. He died so that I could pray my favorite and hated type of prayers.

So I challenge you this Good Friday to try to be dependent on God. Try to allow him to lead. Try to let go and let him pull you to shore.

I know it can be so difficult, but sometimes Jesus just needs to knock you over the head and let you trust him.

So stop drowning and call out to the best lifeguard in the world.




More Questions Than Answers

Back in November (when it was surprisingly warm for the season) I did a writing exercise where the group of us went out to a grassy area just beyond some trees to write. There were different prompts to write about, below is my responses. Enjoy!

Why is it that I cannot look directly at the sun? The plain answer is that it hurts my eyes. But Romans 1:20 says that God reveals Himself through His creation. The sun is our giver, God is our life giver. I cannot look directly at the sun, I cannot see Gods’s face. I need a certain degree of light and a certain degree of darkness to see, what does that mean for my relationship with God? I need a certain minimum amount of good in me to know that good is positive and I need a certain minimum amount of good in me to see that God is good. And yet I also need an amount of bad to see that God is better than me and that because of that He created me because I could not create a being better. The worse cannot create the better. From less, more does not come.


I can see forever in the sky – how far into the blue can I see? I can only see as far as an obstruction to my view, so does that mean I can see at all? Am I only seeing a difference in the sky because of the obstruction? I can’t look at the sky for long without an obstruction – a cloud. Not because of the blue, but because of what is behind my head – the sun. What does this mean? I can only see as far as my end (an obstruction, a cloud), but it is so much more. Wondering ceaselessly is what I feel and what I wish.


Why did I choose full sun instead of partial shade? The leaves and grass are fin beneath me, not a cushion and not rough, just there. I’m on a slight hill – maybe twenty degrees elevated. Most of my skin is covered with clothing and my fingers have gone into a state of apathy. I could feel my surroundings best with my lips and cheeks because they are not traumatized by the many materials of life.¬†I don’t like it when my blood concentration slowly rises upward, from my feet to my head and hands. I can feel my pulse at my fingertips. My life signs at my fingertips. My life in my hands.


The tiniest movements of the grass and the leaves I can only hear because of the inaudible wind. The wind makes no sound but it affects are heard, some from silences and some from natural disaster.


The leaves and the students are the same – scattered in different concentrations about. Husks of what they once were. For the students countenances give away their thoughts like the condition of the leaves – fragile and wanting life.


The juxtaposition I saw while coming back to the building was the dying nature of autumn against the solid unchanging institution with lively youths. Dying next to unchanging next to life. Spots of green leaves against trees in an early winter slumber. Green of hops against signs of winter of death. A warm day in November. Normally November is when people bring down coats, hats, boots, and gloves, not shorts-wearing-weather. The dark blue against the bright yellow of the building flag. Opposite colors, we see and read the world by juxtaposition.



The Man Who Made Captain America: A Triolet

Abraham Erskine, the man who made Captain America

Chose him not for what was seen, but what was felt, his heart

Soon after the Super Soldier appeared, his life ended with quite a drama

Abraham Erskine, the man who made Captain America

But unfortunately – or fortunately – when he died so did his formula

With his candidate for superiority he was smart

Abraham Erskine, the man who made Captain America

Chose him not for what was seen, but what was felt, his heart

Captain America Super Serum


Do not put me on a pedestal

Do not dare put me on a pedestal

It’s too high up in the air if when I fall

Clouds, birds, stars

are meant for way up and above the sky

People are not

We are meant to be grounded

To be able to look up

and down

We are meant to stare at a person’s face,

not their feet

Pedestals are small and high

oh so very high

high with the birds,

the things supposed to be hoped on

I’ve learned that


it’s harder to carry everyone’s hopes, dreams, ambitions

than their burdens

Look at my face

My eyes

Do not put me on a pedestal

an oh so very high pedestal

Do not dare put me on a pedestal.




N@ncyN@nce via / CC BY

I Miss You in One Hundred Words

I miss you.

I want you like a circus fat lady wants a donut.

I want you like a sixteen year old wants a driver’s license.

I want you like a geek wants free comicbook day.

I want you like Sherlock Holmes wants a case.

I want you like Pooh Bear wants honey.

I want you like a dog wants a treat.

I want you like a Christian wants church.

I want you like hot summer days want Popsicle’s

I want you like Americans want fireworks on fourth of July.

I want you like I want you.

I miss you.


miss you

smkybear / Foter / CC BY-SA