I find that my prayers to you are more like updates or daily recordings of what I need or want, and not my deeper thoughts and emotions. I desperately want a deeper relationship with you. I pray throughout my day and for the people I pass, but I am praying at you not with you. Every Sunday I pray that you use me and give me courage to act upon the situations you lead me to see. I pray that my life of serving you will cause others to re-think their lives. I pray that I will be your good and faithful servant. I want to have a conversation with you and not asking for directions.
For the past few years of my life, I act like I’m talking to certain people in my life to understand what my thoughts are, and I guess that is my way of trying to have a conversation with you. I just can’t picture you to talk with you. But I’m afraid that if I do come up with a form of what you look like then I’ll put you in a box with limitations.
I want a yearning to be with you. I want to feel like I can’t get enough of you. I want you to be my forever and always, never letting go. But to do that, I need to let go and that is the hardest part.
I am not okay with my relationship with you right now, but I don’t know if I’m ready to take the next step. God will you hold my hand?
God, you are already my best friend, but that is not enough for me. You know everything single little thing about me, things that the closest people to me don’t even know. You are there when no one else is. Your timing is unbelievably perfect and I have seen that time and time again. Will you show me that perfect timing again, please?
I want you to hold me tight and tell me you got me and nothing will ever happen that we can’t handle together. I want you to carry me and whisper soft guidance in my ear. I want you to tell me to stop and when to come back. I want you to be something entirely new and exciting each time we talk. I want to listen to you and able to do absolutely nothing together like I do with my friends here on this earth. I want you to make me want all of you and more.
I want to have a relationship with you were I can’t wait to be able to talk to you. I want to have you to be my first thought to my last dream. I want to have a conversation with you that is not one sided at you and not just wants, but a conversation to just pass the time. I want to talk with you just to talk with you. I want to listen to you just to listen to you. I want to be with you just to be with you.
God, I want you to be my forever and always.
With love from your daughter and best friend,