Monthly Archives: July 2015

Becoming Vulnerable ~ Part 2

Once upon a wish,

I wished to become vulnerable.

I am.

***

I got everything I asked for,

down to the little details.

And I can’t handle it.

***

My senses are overwhelmed,

I can feel everything.

***

I begged for this,

I said

No matter the cost,

this is the price I pay.

***

I can’t go backwards,

into unfeeling again.

I’ve realized there is a whole world out there,

to go back?

I couldn’t handle it, just as I can’t handle Feeling Everything right now.

***

I need to get use to Feeling Everything.

What if I can’t?

***

I am torn between

love and worthless survival.

I would love to be able to feel,

to be vulnerable.

Yet my invulnerability would allow me

not to feel all the pain I’m experiencing right now.

But that survival would mean nothing,

because I wouldn’t be living.

***

I learned my invulnerability wasn’t skin deep,

it went to my heart.

I have so many emotions,

I can’t handle it.

All the suffering

and I can’t do enough to make a difference.

And I’m one of the Supers.

***

I wanted pain,

when others have so much,

I am such a hypocrite.

***

Current pain seems to be greater than future pain,

I’ve learned.

***

I choose to become invulnerable,

again.

I choose knowing that my heart

will become stone,

when I’ve felt it be flesh.

***

I choose unfeeling.

I will become invulnerable,

again.

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The Watch

They pass by

and don’t notice me

On a mission

to go from there to here

and from here to there

and never look at the shoreline

I sit watching

being unnoticed

but captivated by their presence

The cool breeze coming off from the water

tickling me

Wrapped in a blanket not minding as much

I set down my book and enjoy the watch

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Becoming Vulnerable ~ Part 1

I long for touch

No, I long for the ability to touch

***

To feel the difference in

texture

temperature

air versus water

taste my food

***

But to my hopeless misery

I cannot

because I am

Invulnerable

***

I am

impossible to harm or damage

But that also means

that I can’t tell oatmeal from steak

The North Pole from the Tropics

Swimming or walking

Rock or soft fluffy grass

***

My invulnerability allows me to survive in battle

I wish to become vulnerable to live

***

Please, I beg you

have mercy on me.

Allow me to become vulnerable,

no matter the cost.

I want to feel pain,

something that hurts so many people,

I want.

***

Invulnerability to survive,

vulnerability to live.

Impact Hits Metal

Impact hits metal.

Metal gives way.

Or

Metal stays exactly the same.

Or

Metal dents

but is stronger at those points.

Which is Resilient?

Which has mettle?

What is your impact?

On others

On the world

Both good and bad.

Your impact can bend someone

to either side.

The mettle of metal

and the impact of its impact

 FeeBeeDee / Foter / CC BY

FeeBeeDee / Foter / CC BY

Failed Rescue ~ Part 2

It has been 121 days

since I have given up.

***

I’m going crazy.

All the death

it’s still happening

and it’s still my fault

which means it becomes my responsibility

again.

***

I never truly realized how many lives I saved

only how many I didn’t save.

***

I wonder

would their lives continued on

if I had continued on

121 days ago?

***

But then my mind begins to play

the devil’s advocate,

and whispers echo in my ears,

what if I had never started?

Would there have been as many terrors to

my city?

***

What if I don’t use my powers

for good or bad,

I just don’t use them.

***

Then they are not a gift or a curse,

only locked away in a box

and I threw away the key.

***

The key was confidence,

and confidence got them killed.

***

Now I fear I can do nothing.

I can’t move forward

with this new and only one life

that the man behind the mask

chose for me.

***

I can’t go back to my old life

before the responsibility,

before the deaths.

***

But no matter what I do

they keep on building

the deaths keep on building.

Whether I’m the man or the mask

death keeps knocking.

***

I have the potential for good

or death.

I had once thought that I had the potential

for greatness.

***

Now have the potential

to do nothing.

***

Death keeps on knocking

at the box.

I need the key,

but I don’t want it.

***

How can I pick up

the weapon that killed you

and know that it might happen all over again.

***

I am a murder,

yet am I still a hero?

If I don’t pick up the murder weapon

I’ll only be a killer.

***

If I pick up the murder weapon

I could save more lives

and possibly kill more.

***

But I am killing countless people in my inaction.

I could even the scales

or tip them even more.

***

I am going crazy with all the death

I’m causing by doing nothing.

***

I will take action,

I will be a hero,

I will save lives

and in the process

I may kill some more.

***

But it will be worth it

?

Failed Rescue ~ Part 1

I could have saved you

A phrase of

regret

if onlys

helplessness in power

I have all this power . . .

but death has more

***

What am I fighting for?

If I can’t save you

do I even deserve this mask?

A mask of

honor

protectship

heroics.

shame & failed rescue

If only I had more

time

strength

resources

speed

experience

courage

intellent

***

But none of that matters

in the face of failure.

Only the person to blame does

***

not the villain

but the Super

who didn’t swoop in to make the catch.

me

***

You’re dead

because

I failed

***

This mask

this crusade

this symbol

this power

this choice

this life

means nothing.

Because I still couldn’t save you

***

If I give it up

being a hero

at least I won’t have any other

deaths on my hands,

only the past ones and yours.

***

I have a responsibility

which is why I have given up,

because I caused your death.

***

The nameless faces beneath the other falling building

that I could have saved but I was holding up this one.

***

The screams for help echoing in my ears

as I know they’ll lead to death

while I carry the children out

***

In my quest for vengeance

for the innocent lives lost,

you fell because of the collateral damage

that I caused, fell on you

***

I killed you

***

My recklessness killed you

I could have saved you

***

I did saved you, but instead my rescue killed you

***

All my responsibility

All my power

All this death I’ve caused

Shall be no more

I have given up

I have failed for the last time

gwendead

I’m Missing . . . But

“I’m not lonely”

But you are alone

“Although, I’m not complete either”

But does that make you incomplete?

“I just feel like I’m missing something”

But you now have what everyone else in the world always has

“It’s not an ache or pain, but physically it feels like I’m not right”

But then are you Psychosomatic?

 “I don’t know what to do with myself”

But you keep on doing something

“I don’t like feeling this way”

That’s understandable

 smkybear / Foter / CC BY-SA

smkybear / Foter / CC BY-SA