Daily Archives: April 23, 2015

Time Machine

If you could turn back the clock,

If you could jump in a time machine,

If you could change your path

Your darker

Deeper

Scarier

Hurtful

Heavy path.

 

Would you?

 

Would you stop the pain, the memories, the weight?

 

Would I?

No.

 

I would not ease and erase my pain of yesterday and the day before and before . . .

 

Would I change my course that the actions of others set me on

that had me ‘wake up one day’ and ask myself how can I ever _________?

 

Fill in the blank

 

The path where I look below the surface – my surface, below my heart, below my dreams, below my fears

and find a broken soul.

 

Actions, choices, fears, memories, weight, life

have chipped away at my soul

and have broken it.

And have lost it.

 

Do I want my naive-to-the-darkness-of-the-world self back?

No.

 

Do I miss my innocence, my carefreeness, my lighter self?

No.

 

With all the weight of memories and choices

I have become stronger

and to go back to weakness?

No.

 

If you asked me a year ago, if I would turn back the clock and erase this path, would I?

Yes.

In a heart beat.

Now?

No.

 

I am stronger and I don’t and won’t let it go for an easier path.

My soul is broken and chipped

but now down to its truth, its strength

the real me.

 

My soul is broken because all that others have put on it is now no more.

It is broken down to just me.

 

My strength, my dreams, my fears, my choices, my darkness, and my light.

 

My soul is broken and lost.

Lost in Christ.

I can’t find that carefree girl anymore.

And don’t want her.

 

This is me

Broken and lost

 

For Christ

In Christ

 

Is your darker path your better path?

Is mine?

Yes.

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Mine: An Oxymoron

Ascending gravity

 

Dripping dust

 

Murky crystal

 

Anxious peace

 

Deafening silence

 

Dreaded exuberance

 

Dry water

 

Despairing hope

 

Circular cube

 

Freedom captured

 

Strong weakling

 

Tall lilliputian

 

Elderly youngster

 

Illiterate writer

 

Incomplete fullness

 

Proud humility

 

Still movement

 

Silent music

 

Mine