Am I Alive?

Am I alive?

Do I truly live?

Of course I don’t mean homeostasis, organized cells and response to stimulus!

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”(Oscar Wilde)

What is LIVING?

Emotion

What separates humans from sloths? (Although sometimes they’re one in the same) 🙂

Thoughts

What allows humans to think?

Emotions

What starts wars? Religion, Land, Allies, Oppression

 

What is the root of these?

Ideals

What is the root of ideals?

Emotion and  thought

What is THE good and THE bad?

Actions pulled from desire – emotion

Everything comes from emotion, and emotion comes from everything.

 

How do emotions and living correlate?

 

You can have emotions without LIVING, but not LIVING without emotions

 

I believe you have not lived, until you have felt an emotion that cannot be described in a word.

 

But what kind of this emotion that changes everything?

 

Positive emotion, yes.

But what if it is a negative emotion?

What then?

 

What if you’re overwhelming emotion is hate and not love?

Does that make you bad?

What if the best response, the most logical, is hate?

 

What if happy is a negative emotion, and we’ve been getting it all wrong?

 

I don’t know. Do I want to know? Do I want my life to be simple and JUST live?

Maybe?

Is it strange that I’m okay with contentment?

 

I will always strive forward and be better, but . . .

I’m not some character in a teen romance novel where life is going good and then better, then the fall, and come out even better, and nothing can stop the character and it leaving you feeling all warm inside and ready to take on the world.

My life is so much more simple and yet complex than just that ‘type’ of character.

 

So when a person achieves LIVING, can they fall back and become the unliving?

 

Can have it, but lose it?

Can you lose emotion?

Can you have all the emotion, everything you need to LIVE, but not accept it?

 

You have all the

hurt

guilt

nightmares

torture

pain

desire

messy background

need

for grace from God, but not accept it.

 

God has all the grace in the world, but someone doesn’t want it?

 

I don’t understand, I truly don’t

 

Am I Alive?

 

Up until this past November, I’ve been ‘waiting’ to who I am going to be. Slowly painfully, I become who I am. But what comes after finding yourself? There is a next level, but what does that consist of? I am who I’m suppose to be, but am I LIVING, yet? I’m in and out of being ALIVE. It’s a battle – not of life and death – but of living and unliving. Between surviving and thriving.

 

I leave you with the beginning of one of my favorite songs by Jamie Grace:

All the signs of life

They’re all around me with every heartbeat

I feel so alive,

I am joy and sadness,

Peace and madness

What are the signs of life?

 

What are the signs of your life?

 

Are the signs of your life mean that you are alive?

Am I Alive?

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